1 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,800 My boys are tied up, so I need you to collect something for me. 2 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,640 [Vinnie] Yeah, yeah. No worries. What is it? 3 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,840 - His name's Tony Tillerton. - That's a person. 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,480 Tell me what he's told you, Sara. 5 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,720 [all scream] 6 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,080 What the fuck have you told Sara? 7 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:28,120 The only thing linking me to that headless fucking corpse is you… 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,840 and your idiot friends. They've got nothing on me, Vin. 9 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,920 - For richer for poorer, in sickness and... - Police! Armed police! 10 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,440 Vincent O'Neill, we are arresting you on conspiracy to murder. 11 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,000 - You're making a mistake. - You're the first thing in the morning 12 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,120 and you're the last thing at night. 13 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,640 [Judge] I sentence you to six months imprisonment. 14 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,880 ["Work" playing] 15 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,520 ♪ What is it you wanna do When you grow up? ♪ 16 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,280 ♪ Ai, yo, I'm gonna be a ti-dop ♪ 17 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,959 ♪ That's all my eyes can see ♪ 18 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,400 ♪ Victory is mine Yeah, surprisingly ♪ 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,000 ♪ I've been laying, Waiting for your next mistake ♪ 20 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,240 ♪ I put in work And watch my status escalate ♪ 21 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,640 ♪ Now I'mma start collectin' props, Connectin' plots ♪ 22 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,520 ♪ Networkin' like a conference… ♪ 23 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,640 - [knock at door] - O'Neill. It's time. 24 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,080 Eh? 25 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,480 Come here, Ernie. Give me a love, mate. 26 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,520 - It's been a pleasure, Vin. - You're a good lad, eh? 27 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,640 Now is that a fucking hard-on? Is it? 28 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,320 It is a hard on! 'Ey, Ernie's finally got himself a hard-on here. 29 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,080 - [laughs] - [inmates cheer and whistle] 30 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,120 Fucking wants doing round here. [chuckles] 31 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,920 Stay away from schools, you dirty old bastard. [chuckles] 32 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,080 Right then, if you can just stick yourself 33 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,040 - in this end one, please, Mr O'Neill. - Yeah. 34 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,560 And when you're in there, just remove your trousers, please. 35 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,960 Eh? 36 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,080 - Don't worry, it's just a precaution. - Dude, I'm being released from jail. 37 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,240 - I wouldn't stick anything up my arse. - Yeah, you'd be surprised. 38 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,960 - You're bloody right, I would. - See, the anus is… 39 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,560 It's an incredible organ. 40 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,760 It's a bit like the female uterus, actually. 41 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,000 Yeah, it's capable of expanding to great widths. 42 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,800 - I've found loads of cool stuff up them. - Go on. 43 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,320 - Well, er… I once found a phone. - Oh, yeah. 44 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,400 Drugs, obviously. A gun. 45 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,760 - Eh? - Hacksaw. 46 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:13,680 Fucking hell. 47 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,080 - Erm… an MP3 player. - Crikey. 48 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,920 - Christmas lights. I were like that. - [laughs] 49 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,880 - A miniature submarine. - Why? 50 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,000 - Harry Potter novel. - Oh, get gone. 51 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,560 - Yeah. - They're fucking that thick. 52 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,160 Yeah. Deathly Hallows, this one. 600 pages. 53 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,160 - [both laugh] - So, are we gonna have a quick peek then? 54 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,040 - Oh, you… - Come on. 55 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,600 I mean, what's the deal? 56 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,640 Have you always wanted to do this for a living or what? 57 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,560 I kind of fell into it really. Saw an opening. 58 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,080 - [laughter] - Hey, hey! 59 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,560 - [squelching] - [grunts] 60 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,480 ["Money, That's What I Want" playing] 61 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,720 Fuck! 62 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,200 Sugar, Sugar, wake up. 63 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,200 - We're late! - Fuck. 64 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,240 - [Erin] I can't believe I slept in. - [horn honks] 65 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,320 I promised him I'd be there. 66 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,160 ♪ The best things in life Are free… ♪ 67 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,640 - Did you get bummed? - No, I didn't get fucking bummed. 68 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,320 - I bet you've been bloody bummed. - Nah, not really my thing. 69 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,800 - [laughs] See ya. - All right, Vin? 70 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,360 - All right, Georgio? - You okay, mate? 71 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,280 - Yeah, not so bad. - See you next week, Vinnie! 72 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,160 [Vinnie] Fuck off! 73 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,640 ♪ That's what I want ♪ 74 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,280 ♪ That's what I want That's what I want ♪ 75 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,040 ♪ Your love give me such a thrill ♪ 76 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,560 [horn blares and tyres screech] 77 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,320 ♪ But your love don't Pay my bills… ♪ 78 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,000 [tyres screech] 79 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,480 - [laughs] Come here, mate. - Uncle Vinnie! 80 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,240 Aw! Oh, I've missed you, man. 81 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,840 - I've missed you. - I'm sorry I went away. 82 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,856 - You look handsome, you know. - Hi. Welcome back. 83 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,800 - Hiya. You all right? - Yeah, are you? 84 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:49,880 [Vinnie] Yeah. 85 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,320 - Did you bring a spliff? - Yeah, course. 86 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,760 All right, Sugar? My youth. 87 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,320 That hotel was terrible. 88 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,120 ["I Saw Her Again" playing] 89 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,200 [yelling indistinctly] 90 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,960 [Erin laughs] 91 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,760 [laughs and whoops] 92 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,680 Why didn't you want the guys to come and pick you up? 93 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,600 Because I wanted this bugger to be the first face I saw, didn't I? 94 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,680 [laughs] 95 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,840 Eh? Besides, them buggers, they'd have just forgot, wouldn't they? 96 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,200 - Didn't they visit? - Once or twice they did. 97 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,840 Got the odd phone call here and there, 98 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,360 but I just got the feeling they were trying to keep me happy. 99 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,800 How is the weed grow? Is it all right, yeah? 100 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:33,720 - Yeah. - Yeah? 101 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,040 Yeah, fine. 102 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,240 Thank fuck for that. Has McCann been in touch? 103 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,120 No, I don't think so. Has he not been in touch with you? 104 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,680 No. I mean, I didn't mention when I were getting out. Could be that. 105 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,200 You know, maybe he's just waiting till I get out. 106 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,480 You know what, it's just as well them buggers 107 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,160 didn't know when I were getting out. 108 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,840 They'd have thrown a surprise party, wouldn't they? You know what I mean? 109 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,880 Mmm. Shame. 110 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,880 [cheering] 111 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,800 ["California Soul" playing] 112 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,240 How's it going? 113 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,320 - You all right? - Vinnie. 114 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,520 [all chatter excitedly] 115 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,040 - [Vinnie] How are you? - Welcome home, mate. 116 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,360 [chattering continues] 117 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,200 - How are ya? Hey! - Come here, Vinnie, mate. 118 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,640 Eh? Oh, it's good to see you. 119 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,120 Oh, what the fuck are they doing here? 120 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,800 Oi, get hold of our Tyler, will you? Bloody hell. 121 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,760 - Oh, sorry, don't stop on my account. - Fuck do you want? 122 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,680 Just came to welcome you back, Vinnie. 123 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,600 Nice one. Well, you can fuck off now, can't you, Slater? 124 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,440 Oh, right. Okay, sorry. Yeah, I will. 125 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,880 But just for factual accuracy, 126 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,320 it's, "Fuck off, Detective Inspector Slater." 127 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,360 Uniform no more. 128 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,440 Isn't that right, Hoskins? 129 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,000 Boom. 130 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:54,240 Detective, huh? Well done, Carl. Maybe now you can investigate 131 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,120 them reports of a local man who bums dogs. [sniggers] 132 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,160 Yeah. 133 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,520 Smile it up, arsehole, because tonight, 134 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,240 myself and my team are paying a visit to your adult establishment 135 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:10,360 and unless every last licence, certificate and fucking regulation 136 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:14,480 is up above board and up to date, I'm closing you down. 137 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,960 And as for you, "mechanic," 138 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,640 I know you're selling stolen wheels and we're gonna fucking catch you. 139 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,040 And then there's Vincent. 140 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,080 [softly] Aw. 141 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,200 Little motherless Vinnie. Aw. 142 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,720 "Preventing a lawful burial of a body." 143 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,680 Is that the best they could do? 144 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,920 - [screaming] - [gavel bangs] 145 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,640 Six months. 146 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,400 I know you've got a weed grow. 147 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,120 And I know you're involved with Terence McCann. 148 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,760 And I am making it my personal mission 149 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,560 to ensure that you and all of your scroaty mates 150 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,600 end up behind bars 151 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,920 for as long as the law will allow. 152 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,400 Fuck off. 153 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,720 I thought it was a moment. I'm sorry. Misread it. 154 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,840 Oi! It were a poodle. 155 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,800 [cheering and laughter] 156 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,640 Let's just assess the reality of the situation, right? 157 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,000 Oi, oi. The paperwork for the Rat and Cutter, 158 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,440 I assume all that's fucked. 159 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,880 Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, assume… 160 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,160 'cause it's me in charge, it's all gone to shit. 161 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,120 Yeah, assume all the admin is in a state of fucking disarray. 162 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,480 Well, is it? 163 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,200 - Yeah, as a matter of fact it is. - Yeah. 164 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,400 Hang on, sweetheart. 165 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,200 You're supposed to be co-assistant manager. 166 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,280 You told me you were taking care of licences, remember? 167 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,680 Christ, you are useless, dude. 168 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,976 - [Erin] Dickhead. - [Vinnie] Honestly. He is a dickhead. 169 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,440 It's gonna be months before we can sort that bloody paperwork out 170 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,240 and run that place legal now, innit? 171 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,120 Which means all we've got is that weed. 172 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,040 Right, so the location, I can't have them finding that. 173 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,080 Let's just go easy on the visits this time. 174 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,080 - There's a bit of a problem with that. - What kind of a problem? 175 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,360 Er… w-with the grow. 176 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:57,800 Oh, hell. 177 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,400 - [shouting and grunting] - Where's the weed? 178 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,120 Eh? Where's the fucking weed? 179 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,200 They've fucking taken everything? 180 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,280 McCann's men. Every last plant. 181 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,360 I mean, we're… we are fucked. 182 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,760 No club, no weed. Fucking Slater and that creature… 183 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,760 who's that fucking guy he's hanging out with? That little homunculus. 184 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,600 Fucking giving it big licks. Breathing right down our necks. 185 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,640 How the fuck are we gonna make a living here? 186 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,240 Summat'll turn up. 187 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,400 I know you're in there, Vinnie! I can fucking see you 188 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,440 - on your bed smoking! - All right! 189 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,080 Shit, dude. What time is it? 190 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:44,360 Never fucking mind that. Just open the door. 191 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,640 What the fuck do you want? Something's fell into me lap. 192 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,840 - Candy from a baby. - Yeah? 193 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,120 Well, not fucking literally. Why would I have candy in my lap? 194 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,320 I'm not a fucking nonce, Vin. And even if I was, 195 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,880 I wouldn't be luring infants with fucking candy in my lap. 196 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,960 I'd hang about at the swimming pools or something. 197 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,000 At fucking soft-play centres. 198 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,560 I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be candy. 199 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,680 You'd be a brilliant nonce. I've no doubt of it. 200 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,000 What do you want, man? 201 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,480 Oh, I've got a job for us. Gonna earn us all thousands. 202 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,560 What kind of job is it? 203 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,200 The Great Bull Semen Heist. 204 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,160 Eh? Come on. 205 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,200 - Count me out of that. - What d'you mean, count you out? 206 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,000 This'll be the easiest dough you've ever earned in your life. 207 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,960 Stealing sex piss for a fucking angry Gandalf? 208 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,400 I've just come out of jail. 209 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,760 Why would I wanna nick a load of sex piss for you? 210 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,320 I've got Slater breathing down me neck and everything. 211 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,640 Piss off, Jim! Old cunt. 212 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,880 - Fine! I'll fucking take it to the others! - Do! 213 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,960 'Ey, and when we're all spending spunk money, 214 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,440 don't you come fucking moaning to me. 215 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,360 - [heavy thud] - Ow! That fucking hurt, twat! 216 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,240 - Fuck off! - You fuck off. You fucking old cunt. 217 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,200 - [door opens] - Hey, Vinnie. 218 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,440 You all right, knobhead? 219 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,480 - How's it going? - What the fuck is that, dude? 220 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:11,400 National "Check Yourself" Week. This is Valerie, my new friend. 221 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,560 Valerie the Vagina. 222 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,440 - [deep voice] Hello, Vinnie. - Dude, she wouldn't sound like that. 223 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,520 She would. That's exactly what she'd sound like. 224 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,880 Would she bollocks. 225 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,920 It's a growler. How do you expect them to sound? 226 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,760 She wouldn't be growly though, man. She'd be, erm… 227 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,560 What? 228 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,920 - American, wouldn't she? - [laughs] 229 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,160 - [sultry American accent] Hey, Vinnie. - [laughs] 230 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,280 No, no, I tell you. 231 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,240 In both a personal and professional capacity, 232 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,000 I've come face to face with a thousand fandangos 233 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,720 and they're ruthless, brutal. They're like, "Hello, Doctor." 234 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:41,800 Stop. 235 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,840 - "You look like a bad boy. Come here!" - Fuck off now. Oi. Oi. 236 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,520 St-Stop. Stop puppeting that minge. 237 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,240 - So, how was prison? - [sighs] It was all right. 238 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,280 I think I looked after myself. I had three meals a day. 239 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,600 I was exercising a bit… first week. 240 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,880 - Did you get bummed? - No, I didn't get fucking bummed. 241 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,280 - Really? - No! It's not just a big bum-sex orgy, 242 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,720 the moment you walk into fucking jail. 243 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,920 How's your… 244 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,800 You know, your… 245 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,920 - Bipolar? Fucking hell. - Yeah. 246 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,120 Yeah, it was all right. 247 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,960 Fuck, I did some thinking in there. 248 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,760 It's at night, when they shut that door. 249 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,560 I thought about my mum… 250 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,720 and how she abandoned me. 251 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,440 Fuck. I mean, I'd done the same thing to Tyler, hadn't I? 252 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,560 - Come on. - [sighs heavily] 253 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,360 I need occupying. 254 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,320 Otherwise the voices kick in. 255 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,280 Why not go back to your old tricks, get back in with the old gang? 256 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,800 - I don't want to end up in jail again. - Well, small scale. 257 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,040 - Sell a bit of weed or whatever. - Oh, fuck. 258 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,800 Oh, you star. 259 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,160 - Dude. - It's half decent. 260 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,120 Thanks, Vinnie. What do you think of that, Valerie? 261 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,280 [gruff voice] Abso-bloody-lutely. Tell him to check his balls. 262 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,640 - [laughs] - Good girl. She's right on message. 263 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,720 - [mooing] - So I'm on this date last night. 264 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,160 Sheep-shagging, as the rest of us call it. 265 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,680 - 'Ey! I'm a fucking catch, me. - Right. 266 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,440 Eligible bachelor, self-made man. 267 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,840 - What website are you using? - Desperate-and-Deranged.com. 268 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,320 [laughter] 269 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,680 Muddy Mates. It's for farmers and the farming community. 270 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,880 - Lot of very mucky women on there. - [laughter] 271 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,640 - Do you wanna hear this story or what? - Go on, go on. 272 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,040 Right, her name is Lesley Anne Fisher. 273 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:24,960 Posh, yeah. 274 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,520 She is a journalist for a farming magazine. 275 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,760 I'm searching for a soul mate, not some easy minge. 276 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,800 - [all] Mmm - And over a few wines, we get talking. 277 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,760 - You were drinking wine? - No. 278 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,600 I had a pint of stout. She had the wine. 279 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,400 And the more she drank, the more she gabbed. 280 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,720 My next feature is on what they call "film-star" bulls. 281 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,680 - Have you heard of them? - No. 282 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,680 But I once had a Friesian that was the spit of Jodie Foster. 283 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,760 [both laugh raucously] 284 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,320 What? 285 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,280 Film-star bulls are bulls that carry the highest-proof semen. 286 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,720 Semen with the proven ability 287 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,280 to sire cows with high milk yields. 288 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,440 Right. 289 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,160 But here's the real attraction. 290 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,160 Where a single ejaculation might normally produce, say, 291 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,240 fifty straws… 292 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,120 Fifty… 293 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,760 a shot from a film-star bull can produce as many as… 294 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,320 Five hundred. 295 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,360 Fucking hell. Super spunk. 296 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,440 - [Ash] That's fair play. - [murmurs of assent] 297 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,360 The bull I'm seeing next week, Sonny Boy, 298 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,520 he's at a secret location and he's a… 299 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,600 a real A-lister. 300 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,880 His frozen semens go for 500… 301 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,960 600 a pop. 302 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,720 - Ooh. - Yeah. 303 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,080 [chuckles] 304 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,320 Right, just hang fire then. So 600 quid a pop you're saying? 305 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,080 He can do, what, 500 shots at his jizzing best? 306 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,560 - Yep. - Jesus Christ. Go on. 307 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,720 - 300,000. - 300,000, dude! 308 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,800 - That's a lot. Fucking hell. - For bull splooge? 309 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,760 It's like gold dust. Hey, 310 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,600 and I've got all the details of when she's going. 311 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:04,040 So I suggest we follow her and her photographer, 312 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,040 intercept 'em en route 313 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,920 and then go and nick the knob yoghurt! 314 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,960 We'll do it. That's a fucking good idea. 315 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,600 All right? They're expecting a nice lady journalist, 316 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,600 so that's exactly what we're gonna give 'em. 317 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,080 [Vinnie on walkie-talkie] Jimbo, what's going on, love? 318 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,200 Got eyes on, over. 319 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,320 I have visuals on the target's abode. 320 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400 Speak fucking normal, you bellend. 321 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,440 Just let us know when she's setting off. 322 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,560 Raymond… Roger that. 323 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,160 Raymond Roger that? 324 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,120 Do you know what you're doing with that camera? 325 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,040 Yeah, yeah. 326 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,960 - It's a camera. Just point and shoot. - No, you've got to look professional. 327 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,080 "That's it, sweetheart. There we go. Ooh, yes. Make love to the lens. 328 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,120 "Pout. Mmm, hold that, yeah." 329 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,840 - Do you want me to do it? - No, dude. Look, why… 330 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,240 why does Ash get to be the ph-photographer? 331 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,760 Exactly. Should be me on that magazine. Bit of fucking diversity, right? 332 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,000 - 10-4! 10-4! - [JJ] 10-4, message received. 333 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,080 Can you tell him he's doing the wrong code, please? 334 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,520 The target is leaving the premises. 335 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,520 I repeat, the target is leaving the premises. 336 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,560 [Vinnie] Shut the fuck up! We're gonna cut her off now. 337 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,640 [Lesley Anne sighs] For God's sake. What's this now? 338 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,720 I hate being late. 339 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,400 Hiya. I am so sorry to wave you down. 340 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,560 My car's broken down and my charge has gone on my phone. 341 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,840 - Could you call the garage for me? - Well… 342 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,960 - we're in a bit of a h... - Yeah, of course we can. 343 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,320 - I'm really good with cars. - Oh, thank you so much. 344 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,240 - I'll take a look. - Thank you. Amazing, thanks. 345 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,800 - What's the problem? - I think it's the back wheel. 346 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,440 When I was driving, I could hear a clicking sound. 347 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,800 - I think it needs a jack up or… - Yeah, sounds like it. 348 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,280 [Vinnie] Lesley! Fucking dickhead. 349 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,680 - What are you doing? - [yelling] 350 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,320 - [clamouring] - Get out! Come here, you… 351 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,960 ["Main Offender" playing] 352 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,120 [grunting and yelling] 353 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,680 Argh! 354 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,920 [roars] 355 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,320 [shrieks] 356 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,040 Cardi! Have you knocked him out? Fucking idiot. 357 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,200 - [grunts] - Oh, you like it rough, do you? 358 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,400 - Yeah! Yeah, yeah. - Well, I can be as rough... 359 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,240 Argh! 360 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,240 - Get her! - [shrieks] 361 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,200 Nice and tight, Ash. She's a fucking nutcase. [chuckles] 362 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,360 You double-crossing piece of shit! 363 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,880 You should've gone Dutch on the meal then, shouldn't you? 364 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,880 Hey, dearest wine. And the pudding. I'm not fucking made of money. 365 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,920 You should've kept your hands out of your pocket, 366 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,080 instead of fiddling your shrivelled old manroot. 367 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,400 I was rearranging. 368 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,720 Rearranging, my arse. 369 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,040 I'll rearrange your fucking arse in a minute, love. 370 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,800 - What does that even mean? - Dickhead. [tuts] 371 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,240 Listen, we're not gonna hurt you, neither of yous. 372 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,040 - We just want the address for the bull. - I'll never give it. 373 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,440 You can torture me, you can do what you like, but I'll never ever... 374 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,840 - It's in the sat nav. - Oh! [laughs] 375 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,840 He's a good lad. Come here, gimme a kiss. You're a good lad. 376 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,880 Right, now then. You three, take 'em for a bloody walk. 377 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,200 We're gonna see a man about a bull. Go on, fuck off. 378 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,359 Cardi, just guide her. Guide her in. She's a nutcase. 379 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,800 See you later. 380 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,560 I don't need you, you look like a plank. 381 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,880 - Come on! - All right. 382 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,079 [Tommo] Two drops will give you enough time 383 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,680 - to find out where the vials are stored. - [tyres screech] 384 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,160 ["Colonel Hathi's Trunk Juice" playing] 385 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,960 [birds chirruping] 386 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,040 - Wait. - What is it? What's up? 387 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,440 That is a hawfinch. 388 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,480 Terrific little bird, the hawfinch. 389 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,280 They can exert enough force to crack open a cherry stone. 390 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,520 Fucking riveting! 391 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,160 Come on! 392 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,880 [Ash] Remember what Tommo said… 393 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,440 you only need two drops to knock them out. Right? 394 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,880 Smile, Lesley Anne. 395 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,640 - You from Total Farming? - Yeah, absolutely. 396 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,000 I'm Lesley Anne and this is my photographer Ash. 397 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,920 - You're Lesley? - Yes. Yes, Lesley Anne. 398 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,880 You sounded older on the phone. 399 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,720 [chuckles] She gets that all the time. Old-lady voice. 400 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,320 - Don't you? - I do. 401 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,400 First time I spoke to her I thought she was a pensioner. 402 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,080 - Anyway, you… you must be Ruth. - Yeah. 403 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,960 And my three boys, Victor, Vernon and Vincent. 404 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,080 V, V, V. A bit of a V thing going on there. 405 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,800 - The three of you. - Anyway, 406 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,760 we're very excited to meet Sunny Boy, aren't we, Ash? 407 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,520 - So excited. - Yeah. 408 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,960 I've always found bulls to be very photogenic. 409 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,640 You won't see a better-looking bull. 410 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:46,040 If I was a cow, I'd have him inside me all day long. 411 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,440 - Let's start with a quick chat and a brew? - This is ready. 412 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,160 [both] Yeah. 413 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,520 If I have a herd of a hundred cows and each one is inseminated 414 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,600 three times over a nine-week period, 415 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,720 have a guess how many'll get pregnant on strong bull sperm. 416 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,240 - I wouldn't know. - Couldn't say. 417 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,320 Ninety-eight percent. 418 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,120 - Ninety-eight percent. - Wow. 419 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,400 See my Sunny Boy has thousands of daughters 420 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,600 in countries all over the world, yeah? 421 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:15,800 - Tokyo. - Tokyo. 422 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,480 - Brazil. - Brazil 423 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,200 - Mozambique. - Mozambique. 424 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,800 [chuckles] You mean to say MOO-zambique. 425 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,560 - [laughs] - [Erin clears throat] Right. 426 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,000 Well, we'd really like to meet him. 427 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,960 Yeah, we really would, we really would. 428 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,800 But before we do that, I couldn't get a group snap 429 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,960 of all the four of ye, could I? 430 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,560 Kind of like the human side behind the animal's success. 431 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,960 Yeah, yeah. Course. Why not? 432 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,840 Thanks. 433 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,160 [Ash] Lovely. Right, if you assemble yourselves… 434 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,960 [continues indistinctly] 435 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,400 ♪ Liar liar ♪ 436 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,800 ♪ Your nose is longer Than a telephone wire ♪ 437 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,640 ♪ Ask me, baby, why I'm sad ♪ 438 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,720 ♪ You've been out all night, Know you've been bad ♪ 439 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,040 ♪ Don't tell me different, Know it's a lie… ♪ 440 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,960 Listen, man, I'm sorry I didn't come to visit you more. 441 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,480 Erm… Just… you know, 442 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,400 I felt so guilty about you ending up in there. 443 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,760 - It's all right. Forget it. - You took a bullet for us 444 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,960 and I'm grateful to you, right? 445 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,880 Any one of us on that Tillerton trip could've ended up inside, so… 446 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,240 I'm not… You can't grass on your mates. 447 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,880 I wasn't gonna do that, was I, you know? 448 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,080 You can't do that. Just like you can't be telling your missus 449 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,080 shit she doesn't need to know, Dyldo. 450 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,520 Have you told her about fucking Tillerton, the guy who got his head taken off? 451 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,440 - She told me she didn't blab. - Of course she fucking did. 452 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,200 Christ on a bike. Do you believe that? 453 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,280 Don't lose your head. 454 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,600 Fuck! 455 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,480 - Well, she… - You fucking turnip. 456 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,640 Use your brain, you handsome moron. 457 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,400 - Just keep her out of your life. - Yeah, well, I have. 458 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,240 Good. 459 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,800 Fuck, dude. I don't want to go back inside for anyone. It was terrifying. 460 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,400 - Oh, oh. Are we on? - Yeah. Where's he? 461 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,440 Tom! Tommy! Come the fuck on. 462 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,240 Terrible tracksuit. Come on. 463 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,000 [lock beeps] 464 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,360 [bull grunts] 465 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,480 There he is, the film star. 466 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,000 - Wow. He's a beauty. - [camera clicking] 467 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,480 - Like I told you. - Ruth, walk me through the process. 468 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,080 Before he inseminates the lovely ladies, 469 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,000 how do you extract the semen? 470 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,120 Simple. We excite him with a bit of cow spray 471 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,080 and get him to mount another bull while we… 472 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,240 - So he's gay, is he? - No. 473 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,040 - But she just said another bull… - He's artificially excited. 474 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,600 Yeah, but he's happy to get up on the back of another boy and… 475 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,760 - …give it a go - Well, he's not fussy, is he? 476 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,680 He just wants to release himself. But for top-quality sperm, 477 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,040 he can only be released once every month or two. 478 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:50,720 Once you've collected the semen, you freeze it. Where is that stored? 479 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,040 - Shall we just agree he's bi, so? - Ashley! 480 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,120 I'm just saying. 481 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,680 We just collect the semen in some glass vials and… 482 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,520 - Mum? - The vials, where are they stored? 483 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,280 - I feel a bit… - Ruth? 484 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,240 - Where's the freezer? - It's… The vials? 485 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,920 - [heavy thud] - Oh… 486 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,640 Fuck's sake. You ruined that with all your gay questions! 487 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,280 - The bull mounts boys, Erin. - [mooing] 488 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:13,120 See, he's agreeing with us. Oh, careful. It's all right, calm down. 489 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,600 How much did you put in? The two of them are out in minutes. 490 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,600 - Fucking two, like Tommo said. - [bull grunts] 491 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,880 We need to find the freezer, okay. You check in there. 492 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,600 - Yeah, I will. You go. - I'll try and find the others. 493 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,400 - [mooing] - Whoa, Sunny. 494 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,960 We're both gay men. All we want is a few of your baby tears, all right? 495 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,800 - [grunting] - Erin! 496 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,360 Hello? Lads? 497 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,520 'Ey, lads? Oh, fuck. You big fucker. 498 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,360 Shit. Jesus Christ, you're fucking strong, dude. 499 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,160 - Get off! - Shit! 500 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,480 Have you found any jizz? 501 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,520 - I'm saying shit out of joy and happiness. - Shit! 502 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,680 Ooh, shit. You're a good lad. You're a good lad. 503 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,560 - [barks] - [objects clatter] 504 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,760 Fuck! Do one! Shut the door! 505 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,320 - Oh, my God. Tommo! - What is it? 506 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,720 All right, all right. 507 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,040 Remember, it's more scared of you than you are of it. 508 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,120 Is it? 509 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,200 Just open the fucking door. 510 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,600 - Oh, it's got a code. - Try 1-2-3-4. 511 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,720 - It's not gonna be that, is it? - Try 9-9-9-9. 512 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:09,840 [mooing] 513 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,440 - No. - Four zeros. 514 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,280 - [keypad beeps] - No. We're not getting in here, are we? 515 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:16,400 Which is why I specially said 516 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,280 you need to see the frozen jizz before they pass out. 517 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:22,600 - Two drops was too much, wasn't it? - Have we fucked it? 518 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,640 - Yeah, we've fucked it. - Fuck! 519 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,000 - Unless… - [Dylan] Unless what? 520 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,720 Well, unless we take the big lad here with us. 521 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,920 [mooing] 522 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,920 'Ey up, it's the police. What the fuck do they want? 523 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,760 Oh, shit, it's Slater. They must know we have the bull. 524 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,840 [Cardi] Caught red-handed. 525 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,880 - [Jim] Afternoon, officer. - It's afternoon, detective. 526 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,480 You're milking it, man. It's starting to look like harassment, girls. 527 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:54,640 Oh, what's that? It's a search warrant for the entire site. 528 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,920 A search warrant? What you hoping to find? Contraband cows? 529 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,200 I've had information that you're in cahoots 530 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,360 with convicted criminal Vincent O'Neill. 531 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,960 - [laughs] - Ooh, who's told you that? 532 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,520 Weed, stolen wheels, sexual debauchery. 533 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,960 Farmers? Fuck off. Too niche even for me, sweetheart. 534 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,720 Fine. Search. 535 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,800 But I want every vest and every skiddy Y-front 536 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,040 back where you found it 537 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,280 or I'll be bringing my lawyers in. 538 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,480 - Ladies. - Bend 'em over, lads. 539 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:27,600 Weird. 540 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,560 "Bend 'em over." What are you bending us over for? 541 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,400 - Catch you later. - Ooh! 542 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,440 Get the bull in the cow shed and watch out for its blind spot. 543 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,160 What's that? What's a blind… Jim? What's a bl… Jim? 544 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,080 - Fucking hell, man. - [shouting] 545 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,680 Come on, big lad. 546 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,400 - So hot, man. - Please, God. 547 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,480 - No! Red! Cardi. Put it away. - Shit. 548 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,040 - [Tommo] Knobhead. - Go on! 549 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,440 ["Argos Farfish" playing] 550 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,480 - Har! Har! - We've such a big treat for you later. 551 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,360 [Erin] That's it. Nice and gentle. 552 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,080 - Har! Har! - Har! 553 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,960 A big treat after this. 554 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,240 - A big treat after this. - Oh! 555 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,480 [all shouting indistinctly] 556 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,400 - [Ash] Yay! - Yep. 557 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,880 Right, listen. The way I see it, we've got a tiny window here. 558 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,320 We've got to get matey boy to shoot his load, collect as much as we can 559 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,280 and then we fuck him off back to his original owner, right? 560 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,240 Or… we keep the bull. 561 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,120 A-grade wazz, licence to print money. 562 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,080 Oh, yeah. Like the goose that laid the g-golden egg. 563 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,000 - And how did that end? - How did that end? 564 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,000 I fucking don't know. 565 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,360 It's like a cautionary tale, innit, for kids. 566 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,280 To do with greed and shit like that. I dunno. 567 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,840 - I'm going to Google that. - Don't… JJ. 568 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,240 Let's not Google that, let's fucking YouTube 569 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,720 - how to wank a ginger bull off. - We can't do that! 570 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,680 They use stimulants and specialised equipment and stuff. 571 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,840 No, no, no. Way I see it, right, 572 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,960 a wank is a wank is a wank. 573 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,120 The todger, be it human, dog, badger or bull, responds to touch. 574 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,840 Ergo, all we need to do is to get matey boy here aroused 575 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,640 - and… merry jizzmas. - Oh! 576 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,480 Erin, whack on your Marigolds. [softly] Love you. 577 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,160 - I'm not doing it, you joking? - He's actually quite gay though, 578 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,720 - Sunny Boy, so a man is definitely better. - Cardi then. 579 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,600 You can fuck off. You do it. 580 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,520 - I'm not fucking doing it. - Tommo, you own a sex dungeon! 581 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,320 For the umpteenth time, what I own… 582 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,880 is an erotic parlour and we don't stretch to bestiality. 583 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,560 There were that one time with a rabbit, that were going too far. 584 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,240 Fucking rabbit? What could you have done with a... 585 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,640 Listen, just, do you have stuff to bring men off in your horrid dungeon? 586 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,560 - Course I do. - What kind of shit do you have? 587 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,160 You name it, mate. We've got, er… tingly lube. 588 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,600 Fake gushing vag. 589 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,760 My personal favourite, the chilli inserter. 590 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,960 - Where's that go? - The fuck do you think that goes? 591 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,760 Goes right up the arse, you fucking great lemon. 592 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,400 Right, we'll get the chilli inserter, 593 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,480 you two dickheads find a sexy cow. 594 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,040 Where's the weed, boys? Where's the stolen motors? 595 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,480 Is that it? Oh, no! 596 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,680 It's a flower vase. 597 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,840 Oh, is that 'em? Oh, no. 598 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,320 It's a porcelain frog. [chuckles] 599 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,480 What's this then, eh? 600 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,440 [policeman] Over here, sir. 601 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,800 Oh, dear. Weaponry? 602 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,680 Those are de-pinned. They're memorabilia. 603 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,200 Sir. 604 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,400 - And this? - It's a Luger. 605 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,120 It's from the First World War. 606 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,000 Dangerous weapons. What has he got planned? 607 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,520 - I've got a big one. Shall I get it out? - Go on. 608 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,720 [Carl] You're nicked. 609 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,720 [mooing] 610 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,400 Er… hello. This one's quite fit. 611 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,560 - Based on what? - Nice nose. 612 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,800 He's not going to be looking at her nose. 613 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,600 Sunny Boy will be looking at the arse. Look at her arse. 614 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,320 - I'm not an expert on arses. - Check the udders then. 615 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,360 - What others? - Not the others, the udders of the cow. 616 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:53,920 The swingy-down bit. 617 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,560 Have you never been on a farm before? 618 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,520 - Yes, I've been on a farm. - [squelching] 619 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,360 - [laughs] - I stepped straight in poo there. 620 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,160 - [splashing] - Oh! 621 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:04,880 I fucking slid on that one! 622 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,920 [Erin] Right, I need go and pick Tyler up. 623 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,200 Any excuse for you to get out of wanking a bull off. [laughs] 624 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,080 - Eh? - [both laugh] 625 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,360 - Before you go I do need to talk to you. - Oh, go on. 626 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,720 - I've got a bloody problem. - What kind of problem? 627 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,080 - A McCann problem. - [sighs] 628 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,640 He's locked me off. He's not answering any of me calls. 629 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,480 There's just no communication. It's like I'm fucking… 630 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,560 - persona non gratis. - Grata. 631 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,440 - Grata. - Yep. 632 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,920 Honestly, I never said a word. I kept my mouth shut. 633 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,960 The police were offering me less time if I only grassed 634 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,720 and I kept me fucking gob shut. Terence who? 635 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,560 Maybe… he wants to stay on the safe side until things quieten down. 636 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,040 I don't know though. If I'm no use to him, 637 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,480 then I'm just a worry to him and that frightens the shit out of me. 638 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,440 He is a ruthless man, Erin. You know? 639 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,920 Come here. 640 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,920 I don't like you worrying. You'll be fine. 641 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,280 You know… [clears throat] 642 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,720 You know that thing you said to me? 643 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,840 When you whispered in my ear when I got arrested. 644 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,280 Yeah. 645 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,160 Did you mean it? 646 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,000 Yeah. 647 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,160 Yeah, I did. 648 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,840 - [sighs] But Vin… - I know, it's all right. 649 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,880 You don't have to explain yourself. 650 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,920 I know you've a lot going on, got your exams, 651 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,160 you wanna get the fuck out of here 'cause it's miserable. [groans] 652 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,440 [chuckles] 653 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,480 It just meant a lot to me, that's all. Hearing that. 654 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,800 - Do you know that I fancy you loads? - Shut up. 655 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,840 - I fancy you every single day. - Shut up. 656 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,680 - Fucking nightmare. - I need to get Tyler. 657 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,240 Get the fuck out of here. I've got to wank a bull off. 658 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:50,440 - Oh, Jesus. - Come on. 659 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,480 - [Vinnie] Get out of it. - Right, good luck. 660 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,560 [chuckles] Right, Vincent, 661 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,680 let's titillate a bull. 662 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,280 - Anyone seen Jimbo? He's not in his house. - He's not come through, no. 663 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,000 - Has no one seen him? Fuck. - No. 664 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:08,920 [mooing] 665 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,320 - We'll have to do it ourselves. - How hard can it be? 666 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,520 Boy meets girl, let nature take its course. 667 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,000 Go on, get the fuck in there and release that handsome cow. 668 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,160 - Cardi, get your Tupperware ready. - Oh, Jesus. 669 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,920 He's fucking coming for me. I am not touching that. 670 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,200 Tupperware's a shit idea. Have you not got a bucket? 671 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,240 [Vinnie] Let the crown see the jewels. 672 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,280 Right, JJ, give over being a fucking mard arse. 673 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,400 What are you reversing for? 674 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,240 Oh, yeah, look at that. She's sniffing his dick, in't she? 675 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,000 Straight in for the BJ. Very nice. 676 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,160 Just think of her as one the lads, Sunny Boy. 677 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,920 Come on, sunshine, she's right next to your chopper. 678 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,960 [Vinnie] Fuck, he don't look too interested, does he? 679 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:46,880 [Cardi] She looks like she's gonna mount him! 680 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,960 [sighs] Right, we'll have to do it ourselves. Tommo, get in there. 681 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,320 - What? - Get in the bleedin' pen! 682 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,360 And take your sex spray. 683 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,000 Come on, Tom. Come on, Tom. 684 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,080 - Christ, it's gritty. - [JJ] Gritty? 685 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,600 Heavens above, it's enormous. It's like a French baguette. 686 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,000 - What flavour? - What flavour? Beef. 687 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,760 Can you imagine a beef baguette? I'm starving. 688 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,760 Come on, sunshine, there we go. Give it up for your Uncle Tommo. 689 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,600 - You sound like a paedophile. - Vinnie, you're putting me off. 690 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,560 You're wanking off a fucking ginger jizz machine 691 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,160 and calling yourself Uncle Tommo. You sound like a paedo. 692 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,696 - He's a bull. He can't understand me. - Then why talk to him? 693 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,920 Because, Dylan, in case you hadn't realised, 694 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,520 I'm pleasuring a fucking bull and I am trying to… Ah! 695 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,400 - [mooing] - Okay, what's this, boy 696 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,160 - Shut up. Get your Tupperware ready. - Good lad. Good lad. 697 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,920 Tommo, come on. It's getting hard. It's getting really fucking hard. 698 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,040 - Come on, son, get in there. - [grunts] 699 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,400 - Wait for it, Tom. - [groans] 700 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,120 I'm going. Arh. Come on, Tom. I'm cramping. 701 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,520 No, no, no! Push through. 702 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,320 - I've got to swap arms. - [Ash] Don't stop. 703 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:49,640 He's got a proper throb now. 704 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,800 - He's getting close. - Take over! 705 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,840 [Vinnie] Get out of the way. [groans] 706 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,040 Go on, Tom. Fucking… I've got him. 707 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,880 [Tommo] Tickle his balls. 708 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,960 I swear to God, if I end up in a fucking psychiatric ward, 709 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,120 we're gonna know what did it. It's coming. 710 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,440 - Get ready, lads! It's coming! Get ready! - [mooing] 711 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,880 - Now! - [all groaning] 712 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,880 [screaming] 713 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,560 [spits] How did we get on? 714 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:18,680 - None. - Fuck all. 715 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:20,280 Fuck! 716 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,576 - [vehicle approaches] - What's that? It's Jim, it's Jim! 717 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,120 - [Ash] What? - [splutters] 718 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,040 It's not Jim, it's a 4x4. 719 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,656 - Not them, is it? - We need to get out. 720 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,216 - He's got a drill. Why's he got a drill? - How've they found us? 721 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,960 - Fuck how they found us. Run! - [Vinnie] Hide. Hide, hide. 722 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:35,200 Fuck. 723 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,000 [Victor] He's here. 724 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,480 [Ruth] Jesus Christ, all that semen wasted. 725 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,480 It's warm. They're still here. 726 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,280 Well, find 'em. 727 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,560 - We're gonna fucking kill ya! - [cocks gun] 728 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,400 You no-good sons of bitches. 729 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,720 You lying puke of the devil! 730 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,200 To give her her dues, she's got a way with words. 731 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,360 - I am a fair woman. - [Dylan] You're a scary woman. 732 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,200 So, if you come out now, I'll go lenient. 733 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,920 - Okay. - Where the fuck are you going? 734 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,720 [gunshots] 735 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,440 [Ash] We're really in the shit here now. 736 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,160 - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. 737 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,760 Right, what I'm thinking is this. 738 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,560 One of us runs out, they will give chase. 739 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,600 The rest of us escape. 740 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,760 That's a good idea. Yeah. Who's gonna do that then? 741 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,840 Last chance, 742 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:26,000 you cock-sucking whores of Jezebel! 743 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,120 - It's biblical, in't it? - Bit homophobic maybe. 744 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,560 It might be. Just give us that spray. 745 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,960 Do you want tingly or cooling? 746 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,080 - Fucking… give us tingly. - Right. 747 00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,000 [muttering] 748 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,640 ♪ Buona sera, signorina, buona sera ♪ 749 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,240 ♪ It is time to say Good night to Napoli ♪ 750 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,080 Argh! 751 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,480 ♪ Though it's hard for us To whisper, buona sera ♪ 752 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:53,480 [gunshot] 753 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,680 ♪ With that old moon above ♪ 754 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,840 ♪ The Mediterranean sea, mmm… ♪ 755 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,200 - Where's the others? - No idea. 756 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,040 - They all went in different directions. - [mobile rings] 757 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,960 - Yeah? - Hey, are you all safe? 758 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:08,960 - Yeah, we're fine. - Thank fuck for that, dude. 759 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,760 Thought one had been killed there for sure. 760 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,560 - Where shall me and Tommo meet you? - You and Tommo? Where's Cardi? 761 00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:15,440 - I thought he was with you? - Shit. 762 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,120 - Shit? - Shit. 763 00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:18,760 - [gunshot] - Fuck! 764 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,320 - [mobile rings] - That's him. 765 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:23,840 Cardi? 766 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,520 - We've got your fat friend. - Yeah, we know. We want him back. 767 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,400 You're in no position to be making demands. 768 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,480 He's covered in my Sunny Boy's gloop and that's thousands of pounds 769 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,320 dripping down his fat fucking face. 770 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,520 - Sorry. - We're sorry about that, all right? 771 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,520 But you got your bull back. How did you find us? 772 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,400 He's chipped. Like a car. Trackable. 773 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:40,520 He's chipped like a car. 774 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,480 Dill, you were right. Clever innit, really? 775 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,840 Listen, you got him back so, you know, 776 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,719 let's not make a thing out of this. Let's let bygones be bygones, 777 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,679 you give us Cardi back… If we don't get that frozen semen back, 778 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,520 this lard-arse goes in the slurry pit. 779 00:34:52,639 --> 00:34:55,239 - What are you talking about, frozen semen? - Don't play innocent. 780 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,880 Your fat fuck of a friend did that and he got a slap. Tell 'em! 781 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,200 Yeah. She slapped me hard. 782 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,680 The frozen semen vials are gone, every single one of them, 783 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,000 - and that's a lot of fucking money. - Fucking stop. Just listen to me. 784 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,560 We might be thieves, but I'm telling you we're not liars. 785 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,640 Well… 786 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,240 We're not liars. And, you know, we did. We tried to drug you. 787 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,160 - And we tried to steal your bull. - We even tried the semen. 788 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,400 We fucking did. We tried to steal the semen 789 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,240 from the freezer and couldn't get in it. So I'm telling you now, 790 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,440 whoever stole that jizz, it wasn't us. 791 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,080 In that case, the fat fuck dies. 792 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,600 Oh, fucker. Ring her back. Bastard. 793 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,920 - She's not actually gonna kill him? - You sure you didn't steal the vials? 794 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,440 - Think about that fucking question! - Straight to voicemail. 795 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,200 - If we didn't nick it, who did? - Fuck knows, dude. 796 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,800 Right, okay, I've got a little confession to make. 797 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,640 You know when we took her to the woods? 798 00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:46,000 I need to pee. 799 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,080 You don't think we're gonna fall for that old one? 800 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,080 No, I really do. I swear. I'm bursting. 801 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,280 Listen, love, I've got a prostate the size of a hard-boiled egg 802 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,200 and even I don't wanna go. You c-can't let her p-piss her pants. 803 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,040 - Come on. - Oh, you… [groans] 804 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,640 - Is this all right here, yeah? - Yeah, yeah. Fine. 805 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,560 Let me get those off you. 806 00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:07,920 Go ahead. 807 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,840 - Turn around. - Turn… 808 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,360 - I said, turn around! - Yeah. Sorry. Of course, yeah. 809 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:16,680 - Oh! - [JJ] Cardi! 810 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:17,960 - Ow! - Fuck off! 811 00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,360 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Come on! 812 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:20,880 - Right, yeah. - For fuck's sake! 813 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,240 - Come on! - Coming! 814 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,280 He fucking said not to let her pee. 815 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,560 - Hit him. - Ow. Idiot. 816 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,760 [Dylan] Ten to one Lesley stole the vials. 817 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,120 - [Ash] I'll do a voice. - Don't do a fucking voice. 818 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,200 [heavy thudding] Fucking hell, you're like the fucking police. 819 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,320 Sorry. 820 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,880 - Lesley Fisher? - Lesley Anne. 821 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,680 Package here for you. Sign here, please. 822 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,560 Ha, it's a ruse! Dickhead. 823 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,640 - What's with all this fucking pink? - I like it. 824 00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:53,760 I like toast. I don't peg it all over me shagging house, do I, dickhead? 825 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,920 - Get out of my house. - Have you found owt? 826 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,560 - Nothing in the freezer. - Shit. 827 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,320 Them farmers are not fucking about. They're gonna hurt our mate. 828 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:01,816 - Where's that jizz? - [mobile pings] 829 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,200 - Vin. - What the… 830 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,360 Oh, fuck! There's only you and that fucking snapper 831 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,080 know where that jizz was kept. It doesn't take a genius... 832 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,280 The fuck? 833 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,640 Mind my shoes. You spat on my dick a bit. 834 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:15,160 You've ruined my feature, walked me out to the woods 835 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:16,760 like some dog to be put down. 836 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,040 You drugged them, you robbed them. You deal with the consequences. 837 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,680 - How do you know we drugged 'em? - Well, I…I… 838 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,920 [Vinnie mimics stutter] Shut the fuck up! Where's that jizz? 839 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,920 Everyone fuck summat up. Grab summat pink and just fucking… 840 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,160 Yes, Ashley! Go on, boy. 841 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,160 [toy squeaking] 842 00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,360 Okay, okay, okay! 843 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,440 - Don't touch it. - Just hurry the fuck up 844 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,760 before they drown our mate in pig shit. 845 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:41,960 Dickhead, what's that? 846 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:43,960 - Why would I look in a garage? - Nice one. 847 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,400 There's summat doing my head in. The freezer where they kept the jizz, 848 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,680 - how did you know the code for that? - Guesswork. It was 1-2-3-4. 849 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,320 You fucking said that. I said that. 850 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,440 Can we get on with it? 851 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,720 Now, it needs handling carefully. 852 00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:00,760 If it's allowed to get warm, the whole lot will be ruined. 853 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,720 - So, you boys be careful. - Need to be careful with it. 854 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,480 - [all shout out] - Oh, shit. 855 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:09,120 Fuck off, Lesley. What the fuck? What have you done that for? 856 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,200 - You've killed my mate. - You've fucked us. 857 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:12,640 I'm gonna fucking go apeshit. 858 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:14,640 What are all these fucking gloves about, Lesley? 859 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:15,880 You fucking… 860 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,560 I think I might have just come up with a plan B. 861 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,280 You're going nowhere, you fucking nightmare. This is too gloopy. 862 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,440 We need to whisk it more. Water. Put some water in it, you knobhead. 863 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,800 - What the fuck's that? - That is my plan B. 864 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,720 What the fuck's that out of, a shrew? 865 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,360 Give me six and a half minutes and I'll get you some more. 866 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,880 Fuck me, you better hurry up. Come on, put some out, bud. 867 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,000 - Guys, come on. - Whisk then! Whisk! 868 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,120 - I'm whisking. - Whisk it like your life depended on it. 869 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,520 ["Cool Jerk" playing] 870 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:51,320 Shit. 871 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,720 You all right? We've, er… 872 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,120 got your jizz here. What are you doing? 873 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,200 - Got your semen. - You're late. 874 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,040 I know, but we sent you a text, didn't we? Did you not get it? 875 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,080 Yeah, we got it but, you know, a deadline's a deadline. 876 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:09,360 Yes, it is. We're fucking here now though. Do you want the jizz or not? 877 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,920 Course we do. But you see, you've caused us a lot of trouble. 878 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,440 I mean, look at my fucking eyes! They're still tingling. 879 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,720 All right. 'Ey, lads. Lads. 880 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:22,320 - [panicked shouts] - [air hisses] 881 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,640 - Out the van! - All right. 882 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:30,320 Fuck. 883 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,120 - Clothes off. - What? Come on. 884 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,840 You drugged and sprayed us. You're not tricking us a third time. 885 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,520 And you're fucking late. 886 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,760 So I want it all off. Underpants an' all. 887 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,280 - Clothes off now! - Willies out on a farm? 888 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,440 - Do you wanna see your mate again? - [guns cock] 889 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,440 Get your hogs out. Just get 'em out. 890 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,920 - [Dylan] It's fucking freezing. - [JJ] Fuck, bro. 891 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,480 [Vinnie] JJ, come on. 892 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:56,080 It's like some weird '70's porno this, in't it? [chuckles] 893 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,720 [Vinnie] Fuck, it's cold. 894 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,160 - He's a big lad, in't he? - Yeah, he is a big lad. 895 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:07,080 He's known for that… Fucking… Where's Cardi? 896 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,400 - Check the semen. - Can't get my fucking trousers off. 897 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,320 [Vinnie] Nippy, in't it? 898 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,080 - Is it good? Is it all there? - It's a funny colour. 899 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,760 - How do we know you haven't swapped that? - With what? 900 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,600 What would we switch it with in this time, eh? Our own? 901 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,400 - Ridiculous. - Fine, but we'll be testing it, yeah? 902 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,320 And if that is not film-star splat… [chuckles] 903 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,080 I'll be coming after every single one of you 904 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:32,960 with a fucking scythe. 905 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:34,960 - What's a scythe? - I have no idea. 906 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,400 Come on, then. Why does he never say owt? 907 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:42,360 - Right. Here's your fat friend. - Oh, lads. 908 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,280 [Vinnie] Cardi, you all right, love? 909 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,800 Mind them pigs. Come on, love. You all right? 910 00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,640 Good lad. Dude, dude, dude. 911 00:40:48,720 --> 00:40:51,040 - Fucking touching. - They said they were gonna 912 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:52,960 t-throw me in the fucking slurry pit. 913 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,680 - Well, we're fucking here now, aren't we? - Let's go then. 914 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,560 Oh, for fuck's sake. 915 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,960 - [Tommo] You're joking. - [Vinnie] Fucking hell. 916 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,720 - Go on then, fuck off. - Nice jacket that. 917 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:07,680 They were designer, them. 918 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,160 This is fucking Jim, this. Candy from a fucking baby. 919 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,080 I should have stayed in t'nick. 920 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:13,240 Get in. 921 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,560 - Did you get bummed? - No, I didn't get fucking bummed, dude. 922 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:17,680 Get in the van. 923 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,320 - [Tommo] We'll have some chips. - [Vinnie] Let's get radio on. 924 00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,880 Sorry about the trouble! All right. 925 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,320 [mutters] 926 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,880 [Tommo] Do you want chips, Cardi? 927 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,680 [Cardi] Who's gonna go in? We're all naked. 928 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:32,360 Mr McCann. 929 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,440 Hello. 930 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,400 My name's Erin. 931 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,160 I'm a friend of Vincent O'Neill's. 932 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,160 And? 933 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,480 I've got a proposal. 934 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,720 - It's me mum. She's dead, Vinnie. - We want our money. 935 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:56,840 - Get him! - Jesus. 936 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,400 If you're looking for a free funeral, you can go fuck yourself! 937 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:00,560 No way, nada, nein, nicht. 938 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,360 [Vinnie] I'm burying his mam with dignity. 939 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,280 Amazing knees. 940 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:04,880 - Dickhead. - They're smashers. 941 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,080 There's not a thing on this list we won't have done. 942 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,680 - Buried at sea? - Fuck. 943 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,320 - [shrieks] - No, we've got a situation! 944 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,560 - We have got a situation as well! - Don't fucking come in here! 945 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,120 [shrieks] 946 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,480 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 947 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,640 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 948 00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:30,160 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 949 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,800 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 950 00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:38,040 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 951 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,120 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on… ♪